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Lately I have been in a tug a war in my mind about where I am and where I think I should be in life. Sleepless nights fueled with anxiety, as my brain runs through ideas about my life and what I should be doing present moment. My god it is exhausting especially when you have work 6 days a week and there is no time for bullshit sleepless nights. Constantly feeling like I’m behind the clock like I’m running out of time.. as my 28 birthday approaches and people are planning for a high school 10 year reunion !!!!! Jesus I feel like where did the time go what did I accomplish? I put so much pressure on myself to have things figured out that at times I feel like I’m going to have a panic attack and my eyeballs are going to pop right out.
Truth is I am ok right now just they way things are, I have a job, a car, a house over my head, a bed to sleep in, food, a family. I have all these amazing things. BUT yet my mind is not focused on that it’s thinking about OMG my car is so old it looks like there is bird poop all over it if I don’t have a nice car it looks like I am not successful what will people think.. this just goes on and on and on with different thoughts my job, my age, my assets. I am so worried about what I don’t have and where I am not, that I can’t even fucking enjoy what I have. It is ridiculous!!!!! I understand the need for innovation, new computers, new cars, things get old they need to be updated, I understand some people give up the entire life to work and that is their happiness I get it. I don’t think people should just lay around at burning man all day and talk about rainbows. How else would our world more forward with the newest and best things. I get it. But I would like to be myself at a comfortable place in between the two extremes. I am not fucking really sure of anything and maybe just maybe that’s what life is about trying to navigate our way through this place. I refuse to put pressure on myself anymore I am waking up everyday trying my hardest to remember that these days are flying by so fast try to just enjoy them right now, that’s it! It’s easier said then done but when my mind starts going I now can see it doing this and I have to stop it! Life is short it’s really my story not anyone else’s and I should be living it the way I want too not comparing it to others!!
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
“I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life, and that is why I succeed.”
– Michael Jordan
“What matters most is how well you walk through the fire.”
― Charles Bukowski