Learning to ride the waves

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After a half of bottle of whiskey


Last night I drank a half of bottle of whiskey, I did it because I wanted to escape my current reality. And while giving me some short relief it comes with a price. After making my way home and pondering my life and current situation, I grew angry. As the rage inside of me began to build I would then go on to get emotional. And as I cried and screamed and blame others for my pain, I thought to myself why am I doing this again. Why am I doing this AGAIN.  I woke up in a fog thinking about the mistakes I’ve made and continue to make, believe me the drinking does not help it only adds to the problem. So as the day went on, I thought to myself enough is enough. I am not happy or really thrilled about my current situation, living at home after being on my own for 7 years is not easy for me at all. There is a lot of things that I am trying to adjust too including a good nights sleep, and while all this transitioning is going on I am trying to look at the bright side but let’s face it I’m bitter this isn’t where I wanted to be and or how I seen my life at this age. And as I ran through all of these thoughts in my head at work quiet cleaning calamari, I had an epiphany. I have no one to blame for this pain, It is no one’s fault I am here in this spot. I can’t move forward in my life playing the role of a victim, and living in the past. I am trying to work through all this things on my own, and let’s face it sometimes I do not make the right choices. I am where I am, not because of anyone else but because of myself. I am not happy about it but I had to sacrifice in order to move forward in life. That’s it.

If you think that your going to go through life without being hurt by someone somewhere you better think again, because life is going to beat you down until your back and blue time and time again. You have to be strong live learn and move forward and trust the journey. I don’t know how to fix a broken heart, I don’t know how to let it be sometimes it fully consumes me and then it bothers me even more because I still let it bother me. I think the more pressure I put on myself to be ok and not still feel hurt, the more it bothers me. So lesson is just fucking be. feel it and stop putting pressure on yourself. You are where you are right now, yes that’s a fact and maybe it sucks at times fact, but it’s not anyones fault so stop blaming people because that’s weak, and I am no such thing. This moment in time is temporary as most things in life. Work through it and not demand answers because there aren’t any. Live and let it be. As I move forward I hope to have more patience with myself, trust this crazy ride that I’m on and be happy.


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This entry was posted on January 8, 2015 by in Uncategorized.
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