Learning to ride the waves

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I’m not interested in everyone on this planet knowing my name. I’m not interested in the media, or magazines stoking my ego, with there kind words of how great they think I am. I don’t want a million dollar house with eight teen bathrooms, six cars an airplane etc….I don’t need that. When I get up in the morning my thoughts aren’t how can I posses more things. I wish I had more free time to see my family, I wish I had more free time for my dog, I wish I had more time to sit and reflect on my life, they are my thoughts.
I want to be brilliant at whatever it is I put my mind to, become an absolute Master at it, knowing all the in’s and out’s and being able to do it with my eyes closed. Whatever it is in life that I do I have to do it 100 percent give it my all. The outcome therefore lies in the work that I can put in. I’m not interested in being the best for everyone to see or to have a lot of things. I want to live up to my potential and go after what I want, become the best person I can be. For me the outcome doesn’t have to be the ruler of the KINGDOM, I just want to found a nice SPOT where I can sit.
From start to finish what goes into making a meal is beautiful for me. From killing to preparing to ingesting…it has a beauty behind it for me that runs deeper then the eye can see. That’s what I’m chasing… that beauty.

I don’t wanna play dress up anymore, go out every weekend and get drunk to numb myself. I can’t do it, it’s not me. Partying on the weekends every weekend just not into it anymore at all!!! I can’t pretend to like going out, drinking and parting and playing dress up, when I really just don’t want to!!! Every once and a while yes ok, but in my reality there are other things that make me way happier. I find it very hard to meet new people because I simply don’t go bar hopping anymore and I have no desire too. Then sometimes I think maybe I am missing out, that I should be out there in a thong bikin with a bottle of patron in some pool down the shore partying my little heart out, but my life is simply not set up that way and I really have no energy to put into a pool party with patron, it sounds exhusting. Maybe I lost my party gal, maybe she has taken a vacation. Sometimes I feel like a loner because just dont wanna do it anymore. I’m 27 MY priorities have changed, these things that used to bring me great joy no longer serve me, and I will not pretend that they do. I think you have to do what you want to in life to feel happy otherwise you will not feel to good about your decisions. I am still working out the kinks.

learning to ride the waves

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This entry was posted on August 2, 2014 by in Uncategorized.
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