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=This time last year my life was just about to fall apart. I find out my boyfriend of 5 years decided he wanted to sleep with someone else behind my back. I lost my source of income, my home and everything I knew was ripped away from me in the blink of a eye. Because of someone eles’s actions my entire life changed. Not only did all of that happen in about one month, but I couldn’t move back home, that was not an option. It had been coming up on the second year that my dad was gone, which didn’t feel real. Everything around me was falling apart EVERYTHING. It was complete hell, depression, and all kinds of other things had taking over my mind and body, I was really just a walking zombie. Forcing myself to get out of bed and keep moving forward each day it was painful. My mind was cloudy for months and I really couldn’t think straight at all. My life in a burr I felt like everything was a burr. I could see my life a little but it didn’t feel real. I went though all kinds of emotions and doubts. It was heartbreak completely heartbroken and betrayed by someone I thought loved me, and someone I loved so much. It’s not a good feeling on top of not knowing how your going to survive. Horrible feeling. This time last year my life was just about to take a turn a fall apart.
In the middel of all the chaos I found myself.
I can sit here now with a clear head and say that my life changed for the best. I couldn’t see it then because I was stuck inside of it. I couldn’t sit back and reflect on it, but as I sit back now and think about it, I am so much happier where I am in my life now then I was then. I know who I am now and what I want. I learned what I will allow in my life and what I won’t. I didn’t realize how strong and powerful I was until I had to be. Overall that experience taught me a lot about myself and the person that I want to be. There is a lot of things and people I allowed in my life then that I wouldn’t now. All the dreams that I have and all the things that I want I am going after and there is nothing holding me back, a weight has be lifted off my chest and the blinders where removed. In the end it was a blessing that I didn’t end up with that person because it wasn’t what I wanted, none of it.
Sometimes when life feels like it is ending ….it really is just the beginning. Out of this experience for me came beauty, yes it did take a while and it hurt like hell, but it happened eventually you come to a place where it all clicks and you can see things better then you ever have before.
There are a lot of things in life that are out of our control. A lot…. I can’t control someone else’s actions, but I can control how I react and the people I allow in my life. I can’t control much of anything really but myself and so I am focusing on that right now.
In midst of all the chaos I found myself, and I kinda like her.