Smile! You’re at the best WordPress.com site ever
It’s dog work she say’s to me, as my eyes begin to fill with water. I look down at my hands that look like they have aged three years, since I started working in this kitchen three months ago. My hands are calloused, and dry it’s not a pretty sight. As I peel potatoes I stand there and try not to cry. I can’t cry in the kitchen, I can’t just burst out into tears in front of these people. I have to pull it together, and man the hell up. But on the inside my heart felt calloused, and I wanted to cry. I started to think about things that I have become very attached to and had to let go of. I missed my Dad so much and things kept reminding me of him. How I wish I could just see him again. I was feeling very defeated and lonely. I had a dream the night before that I was stuck in my apartment building when the zombies had invaded the city and there was no one for me to turn too, just me. I woke up in a fog, as the night before I had been thinking about someone else that I was very attached to but had to let go of. So my day in the kitchen was not going that well, fueled with emotions, I began to let little things get to me. I wasn’t sure if anyone was happy today, it didn’t seem like it to me, maybe just through my watery eyes that is the way it looked. I began to wonder about a lot of things as I usually do. Everyone looked stressed and overworked no one was smiling, we all seemed drained of our resources. I couldn’t help but to let my brain take the front seat and start telling me you can’t do this, you’ll never make it, your a women in a man’s world, it’s to hard, just give up, it’s to much work, BLAH BLAH BLAH it wouldn’t stop! Work was coming to an end as I finished cutting mushrooms, cleaning and moping the floors. I said goodbye to everyone with a big smile on my face hoping that would encourage them to come back in the morning with a smile. Who was I kidding I got into my car and began to cry. I thought about all the things I don’t have and all the things that stress me out… it just all came down. Sometimes I miss having someone to tell about my day, to share with them what’s going on, and talk about things, it feels lonely at times. But anyways I drove home thinking work… awwww this was never work for me. Yes it is hard and demanding, but it is very rewarding it brings me joy. I would do it for free don’t pay me, just let me do it, I don’t care I love it. It was never work for me, and I have to remind myself of that. Some days are very challenging. I didn’t cry in the kitchen, not today.